A Smile Before You Go
Life has given all of us some unforgettable moments…
Some profound.
Some humbling.
Some that still make us laugh out loud.
From time to time, I’ll add another true story to this collection.
Every one of them is true.
I hope one of them leaves you smiling.
Safe Coffee
Lake Tahoe, California
I flew to California to spend a few days skiing at beautiful Lake Tahoe.
After arriving the night before, I woke up early, made myself a cup of coffee,
and settled in to enjoy what turned out to be one of the best cups of coffee I’d ever had.
Just then, the phone rang.
It was one of those calls that couldn’t wait.
By the time I finished talking, my coffee had gone cold.
No problem, I thought.
I’ll just warm it up.
I carried my cup into the kitchen, found what I was looking for,
placed the coffee inside, closed the door, and pressed 1:00.
Nothing happened.
I tried 2:00.
Still nothing.
I pushed several other buttons, becoming more confused by the second.
But I was determined.
I wasn’t going to let a microwave, no matter how fancy, beat me!
Finally, I called room service.
“Good morning,” the gentleman answered.
“I think my microwave is broken.”
“What room are you in, sir?”
I told him.
There was a brief pause.
Then he politely replied,
“Sir… there isn’t a microwave in that room.”
I looked directly at it.
“Yes there is,” I insisted.
“My coffee is sitting in it right now.”
Another pause.
Then, in the calmest voice imaginable…
“Sir… that’s the safe.”
Silence.
Complete silence.
Then something occurred to me.
“There isn’t a Start button.”
I could actually feel myself getting shorter.
Finally, I whispered,
“So… how do I get my coffee out of the safe?”
He explained that the safe would only open if I entered the same combination I had used after closing it.
Really!
I tried several combinations to get that thing to start.
And now, I gotta trust my memory?!
After a few nervous attempts, I remembered that I’d started with one minute.
I entered 1-0-0.
Click.
The door opened.
My coffee was free.
I looked at it for a moment… smelled it, then decided…
the pleasure of sipping on that cup of coffee — disappeared!
I headed out for a day of skiing, praying I wouldn’t run into anyone from room service!
How I Became a Captain… Without a Promotion
Homestead Air Force Base-Homestead Fla
A quick note: This happened over fifty years ago while I was serving in the U.S. Air Force. It’s a true story from my life—not a suggestion to imitate what I did. Please don’t. 😄
I joined the Air Force voluntarily in 1972. The Vietnam War was still in effect, and things were a bit tense at this time, politically, and in civilian life. After completing Basic Training, I received my first stripe, which gave me the rank of Airman.
From Basic Training, I was transferred to Texas, to train as a Jet Aircraft mechanic. Then, after Graduating from the mechanic’s school, I was stationed at Homestead AFB, in Florida, as my Permanent Duty station.
Soon after arriving at Homestead, I received my second stripe, as an Airman 1st Class.
It was in between my second and third stripes, that I called home to check on my loved ones, and found out that my cousin, Harold, whom I grew up with, and who was more of a brother to me… had also joined the Air Force. I got excited, and a little confused, because he and I were living together at my parents’ home, when I joined. Harold never said a word that he had been interested also.
I asked if anyone knew where Harold was stationed. They didn’t know what base he was on, but they were certain he was Illinois. I said its OK, I’ll find him. I realized that if I was going to find Harold, I would have to contact the administration buildings on each base in Illinois. I got lucky, I tried Chanute AFB first. Chanute was pretty well known, in that it was the training base for cargo aircraft.
Back then the military had something called a WATS (Wide Area Telephone Service) line that allowed official long-distance calls between bases without individual charges. I dialed the series of numbers needed to connect to the WATS line. Once connected I dialed the number for the administration building at Chanute. A woman who identified herself… and her rank of 2nd Lieutenant.
I responded, “Hello, this is Captain Smith from Homestead AFB. I am calling to speak to an Airman that is stationed on your base, but I don’t know what barracks he is assigned to. I have some information for him. Could you help me?”
Female Officer, “Of course sir, what is his name?”
“Harold Tripp.”
“Thank you, can I put you on hold for a brief second while I obtain that information.”
“Thank you, I’ll wait.”
In less than a minute she came back on the phone, “Captain Smith I have that information for you. He is assigned to the FMS barracks, would you like me to connect you to the barracks leader’s office?”
“Yes, thank you.”
After several rings, “Airman Lyles, barracks leader, how can I help you?”
“Airmen Lyles, this is Captain Smith, I am calling to speak with another Airman assigned to this barracks, and his name is Harold Tripp. I need to speak with him about an important matter.”
“Sir, yes sir!”
“Airman Lyles, before you go, do I hear voices in the background?”
“Sir, yes sir!”
“What are the rules when in the presence, or speaking to an officer?”
“Sir! Everyone must stand at attention and salute, sir!”
“Are those Airmen at attention?”
The next thing I heard was a very loud booming voice…
“Room! TEN… HUTT!”
“Now Airman Lyles, would you please bring Airman Tripp to the phone?”
“Sir, yes sir!”
I am in stitches. I am feeling this out as I go, but I never expected it to work this well.
After a minute or two, a very nervous and scared Airman Tripp spoke into the phone.
“Uh, sir, uh, this is… uh, Airman Harold Tripp reporting as ordered, sir.”
“Airman Tripp, this is Captain Smith. Are you aware that all military personnel should inform their families of where they are stationed in case of an emergency?”
“Sir, yes sir!”
“Then why is your family unaware of your exact location as of this minute?”
“I don’t know sir, I wrote home.”
“Did you try to contact your favorite cousin?”
“What? Sir I “—
At this point, I couldn’t hold on any longer, it was working too well, Harold was really nervous.
“Harold, you idiot! It’s me, Howard!
I am not going to repeat the things he called me, and said to me, but it was good hearing his voice. Harold and I have been very close all of our lives. I was glad that he made the decision to join the military. We both come from rough backgrounds that didn’t offer much. So this was an opportunity to get focused on making a life for ourselves.
After talking with Harold for a few minutes, we said our goodbyes… but not before I asked him if the other Airmen in the room were still standing at attention.
He confirmed.
I said, “Ok, now you’re going to have to tell them the truth, and they are probably going to be upset at somebody, and they can’t get to me — so I suggest you move very fast after you tell them!